“I’m Not Okay”: Chilling Audio Captures Near-Disaster as Pilot Tries to Kill Engines

PORTLAND, OR – The aviation community and the public are getting a chilling, firsthand look at the moments of near-catastrophe aboard Alaska Airlines Flight 2059 (operated by Horizon Air). Newly released cockpit voice recordings (CVR), made public in early January 2026 following the conclusion of legal proceedings, capture the exact moment off-duty pilot Joseph Emerson attempted to shut down the aircraft's engines mid-flight.

The recordings provide a visceral account of the confusion and rapid response that prevented a mass-casualty event on the October 22, 2023, flight from Everett to San Francisco.

“I’m Not Okay”

The audio, obtained through public records requests following Emerson’s late-2025 sentencing, reveals a haunting exchange between the flight crew and Emerson, who was occupying the cockpit’s "jump seat."

In the transcript, Emerson can be heard breathing heavily before stating clearly: “I’m not okay.” Initially, the captain, misunderstanding the severity of the situation, replied, “You’re okay?” Emerson immediately corrected him, more forcefully this time: “I’m not okay.” Seconds later, the audio captures the sound of a physical struggle as Emerson lunges for the two red fire suppression T-handles.

The T-handles, located on the overhead panel, are designed to cut off fuel flow to the engines in the event of an on-board fire. If fully deployed, they would have turned the Embraer 175 into a high-altitude glider.

Timeline of the Incident

Flight AS2059

The "Dream State" and Psychedelic Influence

Subsequent investigations and Emerson's own testimony revealed that the veteran pilot was suffering from a profound mental health crisis exacerbated by the use of psilocybin ("magic mushrooms") two days prior. Emerson told investigators he had not slept for over 40 hours and believed he was stuck in a "dream" from which he needed to wake up.

"I thought I was dying. I thought pulling those handles would wake me up," Emerson stated during his 2025 trial. "I had no intention of hurting anyone; I just wanted to be home."

Medical experts later identified that Emerson may have been suffering from Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD), a rare condition where the effects of psychedelics can cause dissociative "flashbacks" long after the substance has left the bloodstream.

Legal Conclusion and Industry Reform

In December 2025, the legal saga concluded with a federal judge sentencing Emerson to time served and five years of probation. The sentence was seen by many as a landmark decision, balancing the severity of the act with the clear evidence of a mental health breakdown.

The incident has sparked a massive overhaul in how the FAA and airlines approach pilot mental health. Emerson has since become an advocate for reform, launching a nonprofit aimed at allowing pilots to seek help for depression and grief without the immediate fear of losing their medical certification.